Fic Post

Aug. 9th, 2006 01:10 pm
haiiro_na_ryuu: (everglow)
[personal profile] haiiro_na_ryuu
Characters: Apollo Devlin and Dr. Greg House. No really.
Rating: PG
Notes: Figures that when I have finals, my writing muse comes back and hits me with a vengence. At least vengence comes with House, Season one. Yeah, I'm a dork. Happy crossover!

Medical History


There was no question that House hated clinic duties. As amusing as they sometimes were, there was only so much stupidity a person could take. But when Cuddy's face started to turn blue and her breasts threatened to pop out of her blouse from her continuous squawks of 'responsibility', 'contract', and 'duty to this hospital', House reluctantly grabbed the pile of manilla folders and limped towards Exam Room One.

What he wasn't expecting was the tall blond man dressed in a tuxedo with tails holding up the speculum with interest.

"Hey, that's my toy, not yours," House snapped, striding into the room as best as his leg could carry him. "From the look of it, it's new and shiny, perfect for opening pink vaginas of blond college co-eds with double d's, not something for you to play with." After taking a quick look at the file in his hand, he narrowed his blue eyes, "And something tells me you're not Agnes Nesbit, fifty-four years old, mother of three."

"Thank God," the blond stranger responded lazily, his voice rich and fluid with a British accent as his brown eyes observed the doctor with interest. "Agnes Nesbit, what a ghastly name. Anyway, I sent her along home, there wasn't really anything wrong with her, bint managed to swallow her earring, told her it should come back sometime around dinner."

"Everyone's a doctor. So what's your problem? Swallow your cufflink?"

The blond made a face and straightened up, leaning elegantly against the counter, "I am ill."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"-I want you to heal me, dok-torr," he went on, completely ignoring House's snide remarks. "Not that I expect Muggles to really understand the extent of my illness. However, providing I have been amongst Healers my entire life and none of them could discover the root of my ill health aside from providing me with blood strengthening potions, I have turned to your Muggle ways as my last hope."

Oh great, he was saddled with a psycho in a penguin suit. House rolled his eyes, "Dementia. All righty, Brit boy, settle your knickers and I'm going to give you a mental health evaluation survey. You don't have to answer, I'm going to write that you're a paranoid schizophrenic anyway. Tell me, do you ever have disturbing dreams?"

"Now see here you stupid Muggle! My name is Apollo Darcy Devlin, I am of the Devlins of Devlin Manor! I'll have you know that my mind is perfectly clear of your... your... 'schizoparanoia'!"

"Uh huh, riiight," Christ, this was ridiculous. "And how long have you had these delusions of grandeur? Have you ever harmed a small animal?"

"Merlin's beard, are all of you Muggles this imbecilic?" Apollo's eyes burned brown fire as he pulled out a polished wooden stick and pointed it at House's chest. Briefly, the doctor wondered if the nutter's next move was to try to stake him. "Now cure me of my ailment before I hex you!"

"Do you find yourself being influenced to do ridiculous things from disembodied voices that originate from your head?"

The British psycho growled something out and a light shot of the end of the stick. Before House could even blink, he found himself shaking and slumping to the ground, his legs feeling and wiggling like... like jelly. A look of surprised panic crossed his face before he gripped tightly onto his cane and promptly whacked the other man hard, knocking Apollo off of his feet so that both men were on the floor.

They glared evenly at each other before House told him slowly, "Take whatever you did off of me. And I will give you a proper examination." His interest had been piqued.

Apollo smirked darkly, "Finite Incantartem. You should have done that before."
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